So whats the Push back in the last 24 hours where i might have gotten 4 hours of sleep? Its ok but hell folks you act like i was keeping it from people, cause if i was i would be really bad! I mean really i drop clues when i am drunk and guess what i always say i am going dancing, really who goes Dancing alone and never invites people to go with them? Its not like i plan guys nights out since all my boys are married and no i really dont date and no i dont have "gay" friends really. Matter of fact i just happen to be a big black normal guy really and thats it.
So today i am going to have lunch in Dupont Circle at Typhoon with my lesbian. Yes i have a lesbian Friend who is an intern at the university of maryland is just someone to relate to on so many levels so we will see what she has to say.
HOLLYWOOD
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Whats at Risk
I dont Know whats at Risk if i write these? Trully i dont a few months Ago an Article on Outsports Where after sometime i allwoed part of who i am to come out now although it only takes about 30seconds to figure it out non the less i have worked hard to get to this point because at one point i looked like Jaba the Hun
Going To College
I wanted to wrestle in college but I chose to play football because well someone put it to me like this "Here is $100,000 to play football and here is $20,000 to wrestle, I just paid off my student Loans and I am 45"!
That's all it took for me to sign on the line and so I went off to college to play a sport a really had played for a like a year total in the Three I was on the football team Hell the first year I was a cheerleader!
So stage set for the first part of a long down fall in my life that you can see on facebook in pictures although you see smiles to start i can tell you they all end bad in some way shape or form.
My freshman year of college my moms best friends daughter comes to a football games and ends up getting raped by my suite mates cousin. My roommates Dad becomes a Multi millionaire in the IT boom of 2001 just to find out he has cancer and will die less than 3 years later, so that guy goes off the deep end along with falling in live and never wearing socks, but because I am such a softy at this point I let that ass walk all over me.
I meet the Quarterback Shaun Hill (Plays in the Pros now) he says " I don’t trust a man that don’t Drink" and so I get drunk and wow I must have really done something right because he becomes like my savior on the team for that year. Still I am filled with Rage I was told college was the place you can find your self and come to grips with who you are! Bulls hit, I was Getting pushed back further into that Closet as ever before. I was playing football with guys on the defensive side of the ball who made fun of the way I walked, talked, dressed and wore my glasses. Shaun got me to come in to lift with him on those days we could pick so I could sing country.
I wanted something more from school and life so after a good first semester to took off the second and when i say took off i mean got drunk every night and to keep up the image of being a football player i started to sleep around with more girls. I had tall ones fat ones and ones you might not want to know about. Every kind of girl that ou could think of. My total during freshman year was 60 women and till that point no men! Figured I was going to be just fine if I could just got drunk and "f**k Bi*ches" as a friend Randy would say!
Soon that was good enough and i started to get a little reckless when going out i would fight when i was drunk and fight when i was sober. People couldn’t tell the true me from the one i was creating for my self. I was starting to become someone i didn’t even like to be around, yet the cast had been set and i was playing my role all over again. I was cursing out coaches and fighting players on the team matter of fact the Ralph Fridgen once pulled me into his office to tell me that sometimes the coaching staff would just watch my fights because they at least had passion. Truth be told I was going to Fight no matter i was on the field or not but that’s when they gave me name Psycho 60! I felt like I was in high school all over again. People wanted to party with me they never wanted to get the time to get to know me and the ones who did well they weren’t football players. I felt trapped in a world where even though I wanted to break free I was trapped. It wasn’t getting better!
Your told that in college you can explore who you want to be find out what life path you may want to take and go with it. I felt trapped like something was pulling on me and I couldn’t get out. I had not a soul to tell and my mind became one big block of concrete. No friends because I was to different again and no one to love because I was scared of everything around me I again played my part, pushed things down and keep moving.
That's all it took for me to sign on the line and so I went off to college to play a sport a really had played for a like a year total in the Three I was on the football team Hell the first year I was a cheerleader!
So stage set for the first part of a long down fall in my life that you can see on facebook in pictures although you see smiles to start i can tell you they all end bad in some way shape or form.
My freshman year of college my moms best friends daughter comes to a football games and ends up getting raped by my suite mates cousin. My roommates Dad becomes a Multi millionaire in the IT boom of 2001 just to find out he has cancer and will die less than 3 years later, so that guy goes off the deep end along with falling in live and never wearing socks, but because I am such a softy at this point I let that ass walk all over me.
I meet the Quarterback Shaun Hill (Plays in the Pros now) he says " I don’t trust a man that don’t Drink" and so I get drunk and wow I must have really done something right because he becomes like my savior on the team for that year. Still I am filled with Rage I was told college was the place you can find your self and come to grips with who you are! Bulls hit, I was Getting pushed back further into that Closet as ever before. I was playing football with guys on the defensive side of the ball who made fun of the way I walked, talked, dressed and wore my glasses. Shaun got me to come in to lift with him on those days we could pick so I could sing country.
I wanted something more from school and life so after a good first semester to took off the second and when i say took off i mean got drunk every night and to keep up the image of being a football player i started to sleep around with more girls. I had tall ones fat ones and ones you might not want to know about. Every kind of girl that ou could think of. My total during freshman year was 60 women and till that point no men! Figured I was going to be just fine if I could just got drunk and "f**k Bi*ches" as a friend Randy would say!
Soon that was good enough and i started to get a little reckless when going out i would fight when i was drunk and fight when i was sober. People couldn’t tell the true me from the one i was creating for my self. I was starting to become someone i didn’t even like to be around, yet the cast had been set and i was playing my role all over again. I was cursing out coaches and fighting players on the team matter of fact the Ralph Fridgen once pulled me into his office to tell me that sometimes the coaching staff would just watch my fights because they at least had passion. Truth be told I was going to Fight no matter i was on the field or not but that’s when they gave me name Psycho 60! I felt like I was in high school all over again. People wanted to party with me they never wanted to get the time to get to know me and the ones who did well they weren’t football players. I felt trapped in a world where even though I wanted to break free I was trapped. It wasn’t getting better!
Your told that in college you can explore who you want to be find out what life path you may want to take and go with it. I felt trapped like something was pulling on me and I couldn’t get out. I had not a soul to tell and my mind became one big block of concrete. No friends because I was to different again and no one to love because I was scared of everything around me I again played my part, pushed things down and keep moving.
High School
I start in high school where i was an ALL-American Football Player and Wrestler and you know what i was good! Everyday I beat the hell out of someone in the Picture i am the 2nd guy on the bench. I was a Blue chip athlete who had his pick of the world and could have gone to almost any college i chose to, but high school wasn’t great. Matter of Fact I might have been king to the world to a few, but to myself I was alone all the time. I felt like I had no friends. Although everyday people were around me, teachers loved me, and peers hell some loved to hate me. Each day was filled with pain because I would walk down the halls and see kids with groups and "clicks" that they belonged to while I watched from a far.
All I wanted was to belong I wanted to fit in but I just never could I was to big to be a skater although I loved the music. I was to poor to be prep although they for some reason wanted to hang with me, and I wasn’t black enough to be with the black kids no matter who was my friend. I was left out of birthday parties growing up and cookouts. Notice how I didn’t say Parties! Yea I was that guy going too parties every weekend and most of the time I wasn’t told till the last class of the day on Friday night or late Saturday while at home watching movies. See kids realized I was a guy who could get anything and so I became "TG" or That Guy! TG was the dude who everyone knew but never really called " Friend". I guess like in Pineapple Express the movie where the Drug Dealer never has friends because they just want to buy weed.
Now don’t get me wrong I had a great time and never would i play the "Poor Fag" Card cause the hell if i was to ever tell anyone about my secret that would kill any chance i ever had to be a political figure. I took my part and made it mine i did everything a kid could do. I wasn’t going to let who i was control me I was going to control it so i set out on a mission to suppress every human emotion I could!
I was President to the school Choir
Guess who i Am?
Footballl Player and Division 1A Prospect
Wrestling All - American and State Champion (Thats me and Cain velasquez of the UFC as kids)
All I wanted was to belong I wanted to fit in but I just never could I was to big to be a skater although I loved the music. I was to poor to be prep although they for some reason wanted to hang with me, and I wasn’t black enough to be with the black kids no matter who was my friend. I was left out of birthday parties growing up and cookouts. Notice how I didn’t say Parties! Yea I was that guy going too parties every weekend and most of the time I wasn’t told till the last class of the day on Friday night or late Saturday while at home watching movies. See kids realized I was a guy who could get anything and so I became "TG" or That Guy! TG was the dude who everyone knew but never really called " Friend". I guess like in Pineapple Express the movie where the Drug Dealer never has friends because they just want to buy weed.
Now don’t get me wrong I had a great time and never would i play the "Poor Fag" Card cause the hell if i was to ever tell anyone about my secret that would kill any chance i ever had to be a political figure. I took my part and made it mine i did everything a kid could do. I wasn’t going to let who i was control me I was going to control it so i set out on a mission to suppress every human emotion I could!
I was President to the school Choir
Guess who i Am?
Footballl Player and Division 1A Prospect
I even managed to be in School Plays 
Why i start this
Hi my Names Akil Patterson and for the Past 10 years of my life i lived a lie not just to my self but also to the ones who loved me. A few years ago i was given the chance to live life again and I took it and although I have fucked up I guess its time to start telling my story one day at a time. I am not telling this story for any other reason than that I am tired of being alone and feeling as though the shame I carry is due to my dishonest ways. In 2004 I lost every friend I ever though I had because they thought I was Gay because of something that happen while I was a starting football player at the university of Maryland and in 2005 My football Coach at California university of Pa made me Go and Get help thinking talking to a shrink would fix me instead I talked to a bottle and Jim Beam became my savior. At last in I told my family I was Gay in 2006 after a Trip to Europe with My best friend.
I had watched movies did research and I figured that once you told your family then everything would be fine, but I forgot that I spent less time with my family then I did on the mats and so the people I should have told I never did. I now have nothing left. I am a wrestler and that is who I am! If I am the only one who ever reads this then fine, but I can no longer keep this to myself. I am who I am and I cannot live in shame because the pain alone is too great. These are the stories that make up me
I had watched movies did research and I figured that once you told your family then everything would be fine, but I forgot that I spent less time with my family then I did on the mats and so the people I should have told I never did. I now have nothing left. I am a wrestler and that is who I am! If I am the only one who ever reads this then fine, but I can no longer keep this to myself. I am who I am and I cannot live in shame because the pain alone is too great. These are the stories that make up me
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