Why i start this

Hi my Names Akil Patterson and for the Past 10 years of my life i lived a lie not just to my self but also to the ones who loved me. A few years ago i was given the chance to live life again and I took it and although I have fucked up I guess its time to start telling my story one day at a time. I am not telling this story for any other reason than that I am tired of being alone and feeling as though the shame I carry is due to my dishonest ways. In 2004 I lost every friend I ever though I had because they thought I was Gay because of something that happen while I was a starting football player at the university of Maryland and in 2005 My football Coach at California university of Pa made me Go and Get help thinking talking to a shrink would fix me instead I talked to a bottle and Jim Beam became my savior. At last in I told my family I was Gay in 2006 after a Trip to Europe with My best friend.
     I had watched movies did research and I figured that once you told your family then everything would be fine, but I forgot that I spent less time with my family then I did on the mats and so the people I should have told I never did. I now have nothing left. I am a wrestler and that is who I am! If I am the only one who ever reads this then fine, but I can no longer keep this to myself. I am who I am and I cannot live in shame because the pain alone is too great. These are the stories that make up me